In the end no one and I mean no one will ever break our bond. Its just sad that I have no trust in you anymore. I can’t look at you the same anymore knowing you walked out on me in a heart beat. I’m shattered in pieces and I’m slowly trying to put my life back together again. Why is it always like this with you? Feelings don’t leave within an instance. It takes time and I need as much time I can get to recover from everything. I know were friends again but its hard cause I hate you yet love you at the same time. I still want my second chance with you. I want to experience it all with you again, just not with anyone in the way anymore.I want your forgiveness, I want your love back. Yet at the same time I want you to leave, I don’t want you to have any communication with me. Its hard at this point, I’m trying to distance myself from you so I won’t get hurt in the end. I just can’t face being friends again. I want to be able to text you and say its nice were back on good terms again when inside I’m still holding grudges. I’m still in the phase of not being able to let you go nor the situation go. I just don’t know what I want anymore. I’m scared for the future, I’m scared of being walked out on again. I’m scared the things you told me might actually happen. I just need some time and space to get away so I will know and understand why things happen the way it did. Is it meant that we just don’t fix what’s been damaged? Or start over hoping there’s change.

You can’t tell me I haven’t changed when clearly you never gave me the chance to prove myself to you. You only saw how I reacted to the situation and didn’t clearly let me show you how much I actually have. I always thought that your words were going to speak louder than your actions. But in the end I was proven wrong. You told me all these things that assured me will not happen only to know in the end it did happen. I tried my best to show you my love and affection. My goodluck messages, meant complete nothing to you. I supported you in everything you did. Honestly I don’t know what was wrong on my part. I feel as if I was left on top of a hill just to know in the end I was going to fall. It hurts, and it still does this very second. Like you said we’ve gone through way too much to give up on this friendship but in the end you somehow were able to just let me go. You replaced me in an instance. You left me shattered again. I trusted you, yet you lied to me. The secrets I’ve told you, the stories I’ve shared with you, I’m scared you’ll tell someone. I don’t know what you’ll do to them. You left way faster that you did the first time. You walked out of my life like nothing was going to be affected. It was much easier the first time you walked out on me cause we didn’t have any classes together nor had the same friends. But now its 10x harder knowing we’re right behind each other in class and can’t even talk, we have the same set of friends. Do you not think I feel the tension when were both in the same atmosphere? I really thought we had some type of connection but I was wrong. It was her all along, and if I knew I was going to be this hurt in the end I wouldn’t have given any effort to getting you back. It really hurts, and I can’t think about it without tearing up. Once again you are the same guy that made me either the happiest or the most miserable girl on earth. I’m still wondering why or was I really never good enough for you? I have so much on my mind that its so hard to actually put my feelings into words. Its as if crying my heart out is the only thing that helps me express how I really feel. You left me on my knees, and I can’t beg for your presence back. I’m not going to say its easy to recover from what you put me through cause you left me with many wounds that will take forever to heal. But I’m taking it step by step, day by day and just trying to live. Ill be back on ground level its just going to take sometime. But even if I was put through so much, replaced, hurt, I still wish you the best of luck with her. If she’s the one that was able to make you happy then that’s all that really matters. Cause in the end we don’t always get what we want, and maybe this was just a lesson for me to learn from. #avg